Marriage is for a Lifetime
A marriage is for a lifetime - at least, that is what most people hope it would be when they get into it.
A good marriage requires efforts from both parties to stay true to each other, and keeping their promise to love and support each other unconditionally through the good and bad times.
Here are 10 tips for a good marriage (As you read on, you will see that most of them are really unbreakable laws of nurturing a lasting relationship).
Tip 1: Managing Expectations
Share your expectations with each other. A common reason for failed marriage is lack of understanding of each others expectation of the relationship. Questions that have to be asked before marriage include: Why do you want to get to get married? Is it for love, companionship, intimacy, sex?
Tip 2: Emotional Needs
Everybody has emotional needs to be fulfilled. The failure to fulfill these needs may result in frustration and the feeling of unloved. You and your partner may have different emotional needs, for example: the need for a positive self-esteem, the need to be loved, the need for support, the need for freedom and personal space… and many more. Do not assume you know your partner’s emotional needs without asking. Having said that, it is also unfair to expect your partner to fulfil all of your needs, he/she can only help and support you. Eventually, you have to take charge of your own life.
Tip 3: Cherish your love
How lucky it is for you to find your partner among the millions of people in this world! Some people are not even unable to find true love in their lifetime. Do not take unconditional love for granted. Always cherish your partner and show your appreciation. Make it a point to tell your loved one every now and then, something about him/her that you admire or are grateful for. If you think about it, a lifetime is actually limited, so make each day count.
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Tip 4: Effective Communication
Do not expect your partner to read your mind. A communication breakdown can have serious consequences that lead to marriage breakdown. Share your thoughts and feelings with him/her as often as possible. Talk about what you like and dislikes. Discuss honestly but in a tactful way if your partner has a habit that bugs you, or has done something you feel is not right. Everybody is unqiue and have different opinions on certain issues, make it a pact that it is alright to disagree.
Tip 5: Art of Listening
Listen with your head as well as your heart. When one speaks, the other party listens. When one party do not listen, the other party will be frustrated. Eventually, both may end up unhappy. If this goes on for a while, hurt, anger and misunderstanding can lead to divorce.
Important listening tips:
For the guys: Be loving and supportive. Most of the time, the ladies just need an attentive listening ear. Do not give any advice if not asked for.
For the ladies: Do not read too much in between lines - most guys are blunt and direct in saying what they have in mind, so don’t get oversensitive.
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Tip 6: Trust and Respect
A good marriage should be built on a solid foundation of trust and respect. In fact, these are the most basic elements for any fulfilling relationship. Without a good foundation of mutual trust and respect, insecurity, fear, resentment and other negative emotions will easily seep through to create wreckage.
Tip 7: Forgive
It is inevitable to get into disagreement and quarrels sometimes. During heated argument, harsh words may be hurled without second thought. And sometimes, your spouse may do something stupid that make you feel hurt. Whatever is done cannot be undone. We have a choice to forgive and let go to save the marriage or to continue dwelling in resentment and hating each other. Very often, a simple “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?” can save further heartache and agony.
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Tip 8: Keep Love Alive
Share a hug, write love notes, whisper sweet nothings (or something spicy!), recreate your first date… there are many ways to keep your love alive. You can even make use of technology to your advantage - send him a naughty sms, write a special ”thank you” note to her on your blog, or use Facebook to declare your love. Be creative!
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Tip 9: Love, Anyway
Over time, passion will fade and enthusiasm to keep love alive slowly weaken. Some of us may begin to question if there is still love in the marriage, or has marriage turned an obligation? What happens then?
The good news is, love is a decision. You do not need to wait for love to come in order to experience it. You simply make a decision to fill your heart with compassion and love your spouse unconditionally. With a simple resolution, you will suddenly find yourself loving again. And guess what? When your spouse feels your love again, he/she is likely to reciprocate.
Peace and Love of Blessings,
Marcus and Gloria Whyte