Childish Behavior in our Marriages and Relationships
This article is designed to slap a reality check into the hearts and minds of every couple that has experienced the same childish behavior.
Let’s start with the sisters first. You know you have flower girl tendencies:
* When you get upset with your husband when he’s RIGHT, but instead of admitting it, you continue to argue your point just to get on his nerves. Get somewhere and sit down, l’il girl!
* If you make more money or do something better than your husband, you rub it in his face by singing, “anything you can do, I can do better…I can do anything better than you!” The ring bearer says, “No you can’t!” You make it worse by responding, “Yes, I can!” Then you end up in a perpetual “CAN’T!!!” “CAN, TOO!!!” dialog.
* If you see your husband’s clothes all over the floor, and instead of picking them up, folding them and putting them away, you set them in a pile on the other side of the room for him to wade through whenever it’s convenient.
* If you resort to throwing insults at your husband…and when that doesn’t work, you throw whatever you can get your hands on: the phone, the lamp, the dishes, the oven mitts, etc. You know if he tried to do something like that to you, you would call the po’leece (not police) and have him thrown in jail!
* You think that slamming doors is an effective means of communication
* You hit below the belt by conjuring up tears to get your husband/ring bearer to back up off of you.
I hear the loud cheers of agreement from my fellow human beings with testosterone issues. Before you agree too quickly, brothers, let’s address your ring bearer tendencies:
* You resort to growling instead of speaking, as if your louder, deeper voice will make you any more right or wrong;
* You find a button that you know will either set your wife/flower girl off or get her crying, and then…YOU.PUSH.THAT.BUTTON as if you don’t know what it will do. Come on, brothers! I don’t hear you!
* If you’re a Christian couple–take a deep breath–you assert that you are the HEAD, and that your wife/flower girl is supposed to submit, cuz that’s what the Bible says.
* You tag your wife/flower girl with an insult, and then you run away…to the basketball court, to work, to your prayer closet, to the safe place that the person who is now “it” can’t get to
* If you have children, when you and your wife/flower girl are fussing, you engage in this saccharin-sweet dialog with your kids, laughing and saying “Whew, son…mommy really is trippin’, isn’t she?”
* You go for the jugular by inserting the phrase, “That’s not how my mama used to cook/clean/wash/iron/rub it.”
Wooo-sah! Let me clear my throat for a minute. Folks, we all have succumbed to some sort of childish behavior in our marriages and relationships. The key is taking the time to pinpoint our childish proclivities and respond in a more mature, grown up manner:
* It’s OK to say three important words that are perhaps just as important as “I love you.” Those three words are “I was wrong.” If you can’t push them past your palate, try “I apologize” instead. That’s only two words, and it cuts your effort down at least 30%.
* It’s all right to admit that you need some space. Instead of bringing the pain, get somewhere, relax, relate, release the issue in prayer, then come back when you’re a little more calm.
* Realize that everything you want to discuss does not have to be resolved at that very moment. That’s too impulsive, especially if your significant other needs some space. For example, don’t be trying to bring the issue of contention up just before you’re about to make love. Come on! Wait until afterwards. For sisters, you’ll probably get much further by laying it down sexually THEN talking as opposed to vice versa. Give him the sugar, and he’ll be like putty in your hands. LOL
* Lower your voice! Make your conversations a “whine free zone” and talk like you’ve got some sense. You know you do! There’s no need to try to manipulate the situation by getting all emotional and unglued.
* You, more than anyone else, know where the buttons of contention and anger lie in your spouse. Make a commitment: DON’T PUSH THE BUTTON no matter what! Imagine me rocking back and forth like Sophia from the Color Purple: “Don’t do it, Ms. Celie…it ain’t worth it.”
The sooner we realize that we are the grown folks, and we are ordained to raise the ring bearers and flower girls of the future, then we’ll be much better off. But if there ever comes a time when you just have to regress, be nice and just take turns at it. Someone has to be the more mature one. If it takes two fools to fight, make a decision not to be one of them.
1 Corinthians 13
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you for reading....and thanks to Ms. Harriet.