I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me!
August 29, of this year (2010), my queen and I will be married for twenty three years. As I look back on that day, I smile as I remember how my queen laughed as she told me that she could tell how nervous I was by the way I repeated my vows. She said as I spoke my vows my tone became louder and louder, this is how she came to the conclusion that I was nervous. I personally don’t believe that I was nervous at all. I was and remain the same today, confident and sure regarding the decision that I was making. I can honestly say that this statement is one of fact because I feel stronger and more assured today regarding my decision to marry…even more than I did on my wedding day.
Thinking back I start to ponder my vows and how they have been tested and tried. What did we declare on that day before God and man? We declared to be together for richer or for poorer, for better or for worst, in sickness and in health, till death us do part. Funny but most of us only hear, receive and live half of the vows that we declared before God and man. We want our vows, or should I say we have processed in our mind that our vows are, for richer and for better, in good health until we part. The statistic on divorce backs up the above statement. Maybe if those of us who have made our marriage work in the poorer, in the worst and through the sickness parts of our vows would stand up and loudly proclaim that marriage is a good thing, a healthy thing, a fun thing, and a sexy thing that adds value to our lives, maybe then marriage would be looked at as a good thing. Maybe marriage would look even better than living together. Something to think about as we raise our children, what example are we showing them and the world?
I married young, so at the start of my marriage I looked to other married men for guidance and mentoring. The two examples of my mentors came in the form of two of my uncles. One uncle was from my family and one uncle from my queen’s family. I chose to have these men as examples because they were no more than fifteen years old than me. Both of my uncles lived what I thought and what looked to the outside world, lives or marriages that I desired. My uncle, who was on his second marriage, was in an unhealthy marriage relationship. As a young couple looking for examples on how to communicate all I saw from my uncle’s marriage was what I did not want in my marriage. Their household offered a tense environment and more often than not, surface conversation. No touching, no loving, no real interactions between each other. Whenever I would leave their home I would think if this is marriage I may have made a mistake. Then I would go over to my wife’s uncle’s house, which by the way became our second home and example, once there we found a household filled with love. A marriage where outward examples of love flowed, and where a healthy environment generated a place where you wanted to be at and felt free to stay there forever. This healthy example of marriage came to be the one that I looked to as an example. My marriage, life and home I pray are becoming a reflection of this same example that we received. I am one that proudly and loudly declares that marriage is a good thing, a healthy thing, and a sexy thing that adds value to my life. I make this declaration to all; your marriage can be good, healthy, and sexy with value added. It will take work and you must commit to all of your vows. You will need to follow good examples and trust them for guidance and over time hopefully your marriage will be a shinning example as well. I know that others are watching me and my marriage as an example and that’s ok, it’s all good, I love to show all what a healthy marriage looks like. Now I understand why I always feel like somebody’s watching me.
People may doubt 'What You Say", but they will always believe "What You Do"!
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