Qualities of a Healthy Marriage

"Are we too young for marriage? Do I even know YOU? Do I even know "MYSELF" ? Did I get to know you...Really? Is it LUST or Love? Do you even "LIKE me?"

“Healthy marriages,” have identified a number of traits, qualities and skills of people who had been able to maintain successful, satisfying relationships. These people:

1.Share a healthy philosophy of life with clear ideals

2.Are growing in friendship and respect as well as love for each other

3.Share many interests and activities together

4.Enjoy each other’s company

5.Are trusting and trustworthy, are inter-personally honest yet tactful

6.Are interdependent

7.Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise

8.Are interested in and respect each other’s work

9.Share in decision making

10.Try to share and make monotonous work interesting, such as household chores

11.Have realistic hopes linked to attainable goals

12.Take responsibility for decisions and behavior

13.Will, if education is needed to reach goals, patiently delay marriage to continue their schooling

14.Have a mindset which sees problems as challenges to be solved

15.Have usually been seriously interested in at least three other possible mates before making their final choice, and have affected “break-ups” in non-destructive ways

16.Are able to live within their financial means

17.Are ware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change

18.Use criticism wisely, but maintain a balance in which there is more praise than criticism

19.Are "real" people, genuine and authentic

20.Find that the growing relationship helps each person become more sure of him/herself

21.Engage in healthy physical activities – get adequate nutrition, exercise and sleep

22.Restrict their use of sarcasm, nagging, embarrassment and complaining

23.Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict

24.Experienced courtships that were not frantic or rushed (over 60% of the early divorces were due to hurried marriages- where the couples were very young, not well acquainted, and where the engagement period was very short)

25.Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs

26.Did not elope (4/5 of couples who elope, divorce)

27.Enjoy giving of themselves to others – they desire to give as well as to get

28.Used their courtship time to thoroughly get acquainted, and grow in love

29.Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues

30.Marry out of respect and affection, not out of pity or sympathy

31.Enjoy each other’s families, in spite of their possible faults

32.Talked through a number of sexual issues during their engagement period

33.Enjoy a healthy, non-destructive and appropriate use of humor

34.Are satisfied with the amount of affection demonstrated in their relationship

35.Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse

36.Try not to dwell on past mistakes, but look ahead to ways of avoiding similar situations in the future

37.Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another


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